I've decided it'd be a good idea to give up. Not on school, not on life, not on love, but on a friendship. I figure if I just let it fade out, without really saying anything... then there won't be too many problems. & maybe one day, if she misses me, she can call. But for now, I'm just not even going to try. Why bother? There's nothing I can do... there's nothing I can say right now without coming off like a total bitch (maybe?). I'm just disappointed. & maybe I'm assuming too much without ever finding out the real answer, but sometimes you don't need to know the whole truth. I feel that the judgment I've made in this situation is justified. I don't need to hear any explanations. It doesn't matter what the excuse. The facts are there. I've been the sick person. I would never be so selfish. I'm not saying she's selfish. Not at all. In fact, I wish she had been more selfish. Then she wouldn't have missed that opportunity. She could have seen it. She'd been waiting for months & she missed it. Details are pointless... since I'm mostly saying this for myself, and no one reads or comments on this at all. I just wanted to say it somewhere. And it's public, and the link is available, but it all depends on whether or not someone will go out of their way to click it. If someone does. If they see it. Then who knows. I'm not saying this because I'm mad at anyone. I just can't deal with this all over again. The anxiety, the bad dreams. I have enough anxiety just with school. So for now, I just have to let apathy take hold of this situation. I'll be here if she ever needs me...
I'm in love. I have good friends. And while I should be happy with all of it, I can't be. My friends, not all of them, but a select few keep creating these dramatic situations. I can't even stand there while these things are going on without getting accused of taking a "side" or talking shit. I don't have to say anything.
I hate it when people lie. I try to be honest and true with everyone. And the truth is, I have nothing against any of my friends. Sure, we all have flaws, and they can get me frustrated sometimes, but I don't want to be involved in this cloud of hate just because of that. Why do they bury themselves in lies? Why do they over-exaggerate? Doesn't it just make things more difficult? Doesn't it all make us more stressed and upset? Do they want to be so upset? I sure as hell don't. I just want to be happy.
Changed up my layout a bit. I can't help it... my livejournal is much better. I like being able to have control over my layout... I'm all about the customization. :O
I've been in desperate need of a job lately and I think I've finally come across some luck. A friend of mine works down the street at a dollar store, and she told me they need some help and also that she'd put in a word for me. AWESOME. I'm saved. Financially speaking and also from the threat of my parents taking my cellphone away.
SUMMER IS WEIRD.
So, I recently got invited to get one of these bitches. I'm still a eljay whore and all... but I might as well get a taste of all the stuff that's out there.
I just got home from work... Wendy's. Shittiest job ever. Never work in fast food if you know what's good for you. I'll have to um... spiff up my interests and stuff later, because I'm lazy right now. Unfortunetly, I don't like any of the layouts this site has to offer... so you'll all have to put up with Tokyo at night for now. JOY.
on #004